The Heart Song- Releasing Grief
Grief is a deep, deep sadness that as a Theta Healer, we are asked not to pull it. Instead, we offer The Heart Song. This exercise brings the relief you need without re-experiencing the grief. Sometimes the grief is so deep in our subconscious, we don’t even know what caused it. That’s ok. You don’t have to know what cause it to release it. But do take the time to do The Heart Song because grief can block so much joy and happiness.
Here is how you do The Heart Song (thanks to Vianna Stibel, founder of Theta Healing for giving it to us):
1. Choose a place of privacy where you know no one can hear or see you. Close your eyes and take three long deep breaths.
2. Breathe in through your nose light and energy; exhale through your mouth all toxins, anything dark and or doesn’t feel good, negative emotions such as fear, anger etc. Do this three more times.
3. Now drop into your heart center and start to pull up the grief. Breathe it into a strong feeling and as you exhale, release a gutteral sound. Just let it flow out as you exhale. It usually is a low, deep sound that growls out. Keep doing this until you feel a shift of relief. The sound may change, last longer, go quieter…it doesn’t matter. There is no right or wrong to this and keep your judgment out of it. Just feel it leave your body with the sound that comes out of your mouth.
Then muscle test and see if you cleared the grief. If you don’t know ho to muscle test, email me or call me! 352-374-7982, Cynthia@avanticoaching.com
Hope this helps!
Keep moving forward!
Cynthia
Self-Improvement Coach
Avanti Coaching
We Are All Onions!
Hello Everyone!
Welcome to the New Year! If you haven’t done it yet, take the time to write and burn all the unpleasant memories of 2009 to be clear and ready for the gifts of this new cycle.
So what does it mean that we are all onions? This title came up at the hair salon last week from a discussion about relationships (my favorite area as you know). The woman who styles my hair has been in couple’s therapy for awhile now and every time I go in, she shares the updates in their progress. But this time, it was different. She said that the counselor and her had decided there was nothing more they could do together and that it was up to each other now. They had peeled layer after layer of pain and it seemed never ending so why bother to keep going to a counselor when it all comes down to being in charge of your own pain anyway?
Healthy relationships are like an onion, if the peeling and unfolding is accepted and supported rather then judged or criticized. I believe that this recognition of each other’s personal growth is what keeps the zing in a relationship. A stagnate, safe partner is good in some ways but can also cause the flow of sharing from the heart to stop.
Who wrote the rule that searching, unfolding and changing beliefs means one is unsteady or weak? My sense here is that if your partner reacts in a negative way to you peeling another layer off and discovering a new belief means he (or she) is threatened by this change. He feels unsafe because either you have triggered in him some unfinished issues or that he realizes his own inability to be as flexible or risky. Some people want to stay just as they are even though how they relate isn’t working for the both of you. The fear to change takes courage, time and energy. I also have found that for some people, their pain serves them. It gives them attention, something to complain about and keeps their layers nice and tight inside. Their misery keeps them safe.
The best part of recognizing we are all onions is that it really doesn’t matter what anyone else does about their personal growth anyway. How they want to show up in their “onion skin” is up to them. Our job is to keep peeling what isn’t working for us so that we are able to give and receive unconditional, nonjudgmental love. We can’t do that if we have layers of anger, resentments, sadness and regret. The more cleaned up we are, the less other stuff bothers us.
Visualize what a clean, white peeled onion looks like. It’s so perfect in it’s wound up way. Imagine how uncluttered and pure you would be if you could get to your core level, washed and uncomplicated with past pain? Imagine how easy it would be to access Truth with no ego/mind stepping in with doubt, fear and judgments?
In the movie Avatar, the pure white floating spirits that landed on Jake were so appealing to me. That sense of freedom and moving through life without layers of pain, imprints and programs of fear that these beings emanated was so attractive. You could feel the reverence others held for them because when you are free of layers of baggage, others feel good around you. Your natural flow to allow others their own “onion skin” is so inviting, nonthreatening and thus this encourages healthy, loving, supportive relationships effortlessly.
That’s the dream anyway, isn’t it? 
But the reality is that we do have baggage and layers of stuck issues we just don’t know what to do with. It’s hard to pull your own onions and trust your self in this raw stage. Which is why, as a coach, I went looking for a faster way to release these core beliefs and found an incredible modality called Theta Healing. I spent two months working with a practitioner myself and then went and took the training.
Here is a short explanation from the website www.thetahealing.com:
ThetaHealing™ is a technique that teaches how to put to use our natural intuition, relying upon unconditional love of Creator Of All That Is to do the actual “work”. We believe by changing your brain wave cycle to include the “Theta” state, you can actually watch the Creator Of All That Is create instantaneous physical and emotional healing.
ThetaHealing™ is designed by Vianna Stibel , a Naturopath, Massage Therapist, Intuitive Reader, and mother of three, as a therapeutic self-help guide to develop the ability to change on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually using the Creator of all That Is. ThetaHealing™ is best known for the Belief and Feeling Work on all four levels; Core, Gene, History, and Soul. With growing scientific evidence that toxic emotion can contribute to disease and the awareness that emotions, feelings and the power of thought have a direct bearing upon our physical health, there is increasing interest in changing how the mind influences the body to create optimum health. Belief and Feeling Work empower people with the ability to remove and replace negative emotions, feelings and thoughts with positive, beneficial ones. ThetaHealing™ can be most easily described as an attainable miracle for your life.
ThetaHealing™ is also best known for the 7 Planes of Existence; a concept to connect to the Highest Level of Love and Energy of All That Is. Using this concept, the practitioner can achieve the highest clarity and wisdom love.
Since 1995, it’s become worldwide and Hay House just picked up her books to publish which is a big deal because now it will be mainstreamed into the public in bigger ways. Hay House catapulted Abraham-Hicks into their popularity when they picked up their writings.
So I now have the basic and advanced training and plan to continue in more training this year. I will be adding this information to my website soon but I am really excited to be sharing this with you now.
If you are ready in this new year of 2010 to free yourself of some stuck layers in your “onion skin”, I believe this work is the best, safest and fastest technique in all my 25 years of working in the self-help field. All of us practitioners believe that if we can help heal one person at a time, we’ll heal the planet. So I hope you are willing to allow yourself to heal any past pain, emotional and/or physical, so that you too can float as a pure, free spirit experiencing and giving unconditional love.
A finishing thought: Have you ever seen an onion shed anyway? The skin dries up and starts to fall off. So ponder this: If you don’t be proactive in shedding your own skin that is not working for you, it’s going to come off anyway and probably not in pleasant ways. Or I guess you’ll “rot” like the onion does if it’s left to sit for a long time. That seems lonely, doesn’t it?
Give me call 352-374-7982 or email me: Cynthia@avanticoaching.com and start this new year with a new you, feeling good, empowered and moving forward in extraordinary ways.
All is well.
Cynthia Christianson
Self-Improvement Coach
Be Divinely Kissed!
BE DIVINELY KISSED!
“Recognize and accept that you’re spirit and an important part of this beautiful world-you were created by God, are protected by angels, are overseen by archangels, are assisted by the ministry and are keenly supported by your guides-all because you’re precious, holy, royal and loved.” Sonia Choquette, Ask Your Guides, Connecting to Your Divine Support System.
Years ago, my husband and I shared a house with a young family. They lived upstairs and I spent many wonderful late afternoons sitting on the outside porch with Sandy while she nursed her baby. She had a friend, Bridget, who would come over wearing these very colorful men’s boxer shorts. It was hot and she said they kept her cool.
The thing I remember most about Bridget is that she was a big girl with large thighs and these shorts just pulled my eyes right to her legs. One day, I asked her about what her husband, Hans, thought about her wearing these shorts. She said, “Hans doesn’t mind what I wear. He doesn’t see my thighs as being large.”
Unfortunately, I didn’t get that message then. I didn’t get the message that Bridget felt unconditional love from her husband. I didn’t feel how good this must have made her feel either. I remember being surprised, shocked actually. Now looking back, because I hadn’t experienced feeling unconditional love, I didn’t really understand what she meant.
I have spent many years judging my body with expectations through diet, exercise and clothing. I have spent many hours seeking outside validation from others about looking good as well as support when I felt I didn’t look good. I didn’t know that what I was really seeking was unconditional love through nonjudgmental relationships.
When I did get a taste of this, I was angry because I felt I had missed out for years on being honored like that. Just think, I reasoned, if I had had that kind of emotional support, I wouldn’t have had to go through all that pain, suffering, failed projects etc. But after all the digging up of past pain and blaming others, I didn’t feel any better. In fact, I felt worse.
What did Bridget do to get this kind of man in her life? I went into meditation and immediately I saw her walking into the yard with her mens boxer shorts on. She had this smile of contentment as she walked with confidence, swinging her body in a rhythm that just oozed happiness. It was clear, she felt good in her body. Ahhh-now I get it! She had unconditional love for herself! That’s what I didn’t have and that’s why I didn’t get it from others.
Great-so now we have the chicken and the egg theory. What comes first? If I had been shown unconditional love, then I would have had that experience to understand how to give it to myself and then others. Or maybe not. Maybe discovering this within me first would then have drawn people to me with like understanding….who is at fault here? Who failed me? How did I fail myself?
In my mind’s eye, the picture changed to Jesus on the cross. Yikes! Breathing into this shift, I asked, what was the message here? Jesus’s words came through very clearly about after all the pain was inflicted on him; he found no fault in those who did the inflicting. If he could forgive in spite of the amount of pain and suffering he was given, my pain was small and easy to let go of. I had been divinely kissed!
I got it now. I felt it down into my gut. This lack of experiencing unconditional love wasn’t anyone’s fault, not even mine. I admire that Bridget got it at such a young age but Truth isn’t limited by time and space. How the shift comes in is all in Divine Order. Even though my journey took over 20 years, this waking up was worth it.
How many more leaders of the heart will continue to sacrifice in order to wake us up? Gandhi, Buddha, parents, grandparents, teachers, ministers…I am sure you have a list too. The more you live in non-judgmental, unconditional ways, you’ll see how we are all connected and by just one persons’ giving in this way, can trigger others to respond in like. Just think how these choices can change a culture? Acceptance builds communities and opens doors. It heals violence and jealousies. It can bridge relationships that have become broken and shows our youth a better way to treat themselves and of course others.
The first step in living this way is to find no fault in anyone or yourself. The pain you have felt or are feeling now is for you to wake up and stop judging yourself (and others).
Again from Sonia Choquette’s book, “Forgive, forgive, forgive. The negative energies that come from holding a grudge and being judgmental disconnect you from guidance, your spirit, from others and from the natural world. When we attack one another (or ourselves) through condemnation and judgment, it’s no less cancerous and toxic to our entire being-body, mind and soul.”
Be Divinely kissed and remember, recognize, and accept that you are spirit and an important part of this beautiful world. You are precious, holy, royal and loved. 
Please pass this article on to others. Call me if you are ready to be divinely kissed and I’ll help you on your path of waking up.
Avanti! Keep moving forward!
Cynthia
Cynthia Christianson, MA, CC
Self-Improvement Coaching
352-374-7982
How Do I Accept What I Want To Change?
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl Rogers
The self-help industry spends millions of dollars a year giving us tons of ideas in books, tapes, speakers, TV and radio shows in how we can improve ourselves. Unfortunately, it also gives the message that in this journey of self-improvement, we need to fix ourselves meaning there is something wrong with us. The media is very wise because this attitude really is never ending. There will always be one more new book or speaker with a new bent on an old idea that rescued someone from some illness or problem.
I do believe though that anyone on the path of waking up will have urges to change what doesn’t feel right inside. The urge to change is what drives us to do inner healing work on ourselves. But sometimes an urge can turn into a criticism of ourselves that is destructive rather then helpful. We label ourselves as lazy, stupid, impatient, confused, weak etc. This then leads us to the urge to get rid of or do away with aspects of ourselves.
We take sides against ourselves. Ann Weiser Cornell, Focusing teacher says, “There is no life- forward-movement that can happen when I take sides against myself. Trying to make myself other than how I am, from this taking-sides position, is hopeless. It’s like standing on a rug and trying to move the rug.”
So, how do we change then? Feel the wisdom in Carl Rogers’ words: When I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” But HOW do we accept ourselves?
Ah…. Accepting non-acceptance….
Listen how Dr. Weiser-Cornell’s dialogues with this part of her she wants to change:
When I find something in me that doesn’t accept how I am, I say “Hello” to it. I acknowledge it. I turn toward it with interested curiousity. I can be with it. And in being with it: I am not that.
It sounds like this: “I’m so tired of encountering my fear every time I try to go public in some way. If I could just get rid of my fear, I could accomplish so much. Ah, OK, I need to say Hello to something in me that is tired of the fear.
“Whew” I can feel that makes some space inside. Yeah, something in me is tired of the fear…and also something in me is afraid. That’s there too…Now I’m being with both of them and I’m bigger than both. I can feel this big space. I’m taking deeper breaths. I really have a sense of possibility here.”
So, the more we allow and accept what is showing up and acknowledge it, then the shift happens. I have found you cannot make yourself change or make yourself accept but you can turn toward what you are not accepting that is in the way of change. In this process of acknowledging and allowing, the change happens. Once you give voice to what IS present rather then what you want to change, the change happens.
Hope this makes sense. If it doesn’t, call me: 352-374-7982 and we can do a session together.
Keep moving forward! Avanti!
All is well.
Cynthia Christianson
Self-Improvement Coach
Show Up Better Next Time
Hello Everyone!
Sunday mornings my husband and I have had a breakfast routine for 15 years. We have our own job duties too and it works as we easily move around each other in our kitchen. But I developed a food allergy to eggs and coffee so the routine has been broken.
This past Sunday morning was a complete breakdown in this easy flow. We got in the way of each other constantly. I pulled out the Oatmeal box and he’d put it away. He made the hot drinks but didn’t stir the herbs like I like to do. He was ready to eat and I was still making mine. The tempers rose, the words flowed and tension was high.
Later on as I was working on another chore, I remembered an upset phone call from my daughter Emily. She was away in Hyde Park, New York attending the Culinary Institute of America. It’s quite a process to go from the airport in the city to the train station and then get a cab to the school. Any blip in the schedule throws off the whole plan.
Her plane was late and she missed the train she needed to get to school in time for her afternoon class. When she arrived upset, angry, worried and tried to explain it wasn’t her fault she missed an important cooking assignment, the chef just calmly said, “Show up better next time,” and walked away.
Show up better next time means it doesn’t matter the situation, the circumstances, or the people involved. What matters is how you show up and handle the problem. If she had arrived apologetic and gone right to work, the lateness would have been noted but with respect. It wasn’t that she was late. It was who she was when she showed up that was unacceptable.
My husband and I missed this lesson today. Instead of stopping, stepping back and noticing what was happening here, we could have saved each other from the stress of anger, tension and discordance. The key here is that it’s my responsibility to handle me, to show up better. Waiting for someone else to make me feel better is a waste of time. It doesn’t happen. Living a life consciously gives constant feedback of our choices. There are no excuses and no free lunch!
After I shared this with Emily, she got it. She understood that chef wasn’t being mean. He was asking her to step up and be responsible. What a great way to learn a life lesson! By the way, it worked. I have seen Emily take this work ethic into every kitchen, job, class or situation since. She passes on the lesson to others as she demonstrates it too.
So, the next time you notice things are just not going well, check inside and ask yourself: how can I show up better? The more you take care of your own feelings, words and actions, the faster others will too. If we all were willing to stand by this belief no matter what, have the courage this teacher had, I believe we would experience a lot more happier, healthier relationships.
If you are ready to invest in yourself, call me for a session.
Avanti! Keep moving forward!
Cynthia Christianson
Please forward this blog to anyone you feel would enjoy reading and/or commenting.
Photo by Relle, Flickr.com
Hurry Up and Relax!
Hello Everyone!
Hurry up and relax!
I saw this on my Mary Engelbreit’s calendar and had a good chuckle. Every day this week, I think I am going to get everything done and then go sit and relax by the pool. Well that didn’t work so then I just forced myself to go sit outside but even though my eyes were closed, my mind was racing about what I could be doing instead. Or even worse, what I would do once I got up from this chair. Sigh.
Sound familiar? Here it is July and how many of us are hurrying up the “to-do” list so we can relax? Isn’t summer supposed to be more laid back? I don’t think there is a summer attitude anymore. My “to-do” lists drive me daily, monthly, and seasonally!
The truth is that it’s not the lists actually, is it? I bet you are thinking it’s the mind, the thoughts. That is partially true. Our thoughts do play a big part of part of this process. It’s actually our ingrained patterning or deep-seated belief systems that are imprinted at an early age and then shape our personalities, choices, relationships, opinions, etc. as adults.
We also learn coping mechanisms by watching our parents. Some of these methods are helpful but most just cause more stress because no one taught your parents how to deal with the demands of life except their parents and so on the frustration goes.
One way I have used in the past to relax while I work, is by witnessing my emotions. When I get tired, angry and impatient, then I know I am allowing the task to cause stress. By breathing and checking inside, this break will shift me to relax. Another way is that I catch my thoughts wandering to what I need to do after I finish this task and then focus on what I am doing at the moment. That brings me back to the present and better balance.
But the thing is, this dance keeps happening constantly! These challenges return over and over, every day. So, I wondered what if I could probe into these deep-seated beliefs and clear out this stress inducing behavior? What freedom it would bring!
So here is what I have found to work. I make a statement about something I want to do and then wait and watch what thoughts surface that are negative. These “voices” as I call them are the imprints that are keeping me from being in power of my happiness. The key is to create a relaxed, loving, non-judgmental space as you say the statement so that these deep-seated parts of you can show up.
For example, let’s take a house chore such as vacuuming. This chore is my least favorite and it just drains me. So I pull out the vacuum, shift into being present in Presence, feel relaxed and I say, “I enjoy vacuuming.” Right away,the first thought is, “No, you don’t! You hate it! It’s a waste of time.” Ah, ok. Here is the first resistance: I don’t see any value in this chore.
Now if you remember, I’ve listed the steps before in other newsletters about how to heal this part of you who is resisting. However, I am always tweaking the process so hopefully reading the steps again will still be worthwhile for you to read.
1. Acknowledge: Always validate the message you hear without judgment or criticism. I say ,”Hello, I hear your message. It’s OK for you to hate vacuuming and see it as a waste of time.”
2. Allow: Then just be with this message. Note how it feels and keep owning the feeling. When it starts to subside, then move on to the next step.
3. Appreciate: Shift and see this negative feeling or pain from “it’s” point of view. Have compassion for it. It takes a lot of energy to hold on to resistance. I believe this exiled part of me has been willing to stay in this painful existence, without love, until I am ready to hear it. I see this step as if I am sitting with a good friend and listening with compassion. This is a very powerful moment for me and I get such relief at this stage.
4. Invite: Talk to this part of you and tell them it’s OK now to let go of this resistance. Ask if it would like to return a loving heart space you are holding for it to step into. This is when you’ll feel an amazing rush of energy as it disappears.
Now, I restate the statement, “I enjoy vacuuming” and see what else shows up and start the process over again. I can move through the steps pretty quickly and you will too after some practice.
But here is what I DON”T DO: I don’t talk myself into doing the chore; I don’t make an intention statement or try to control an outcome through an affirmation; I don’t justify the action and I don’t walk away putting it off to another time. Being present with Presence means being with whatever you feel or think in a gentle, sweet way without desires or needs. That’s where the healing takes place.
Then the next time I go to vacuum, I check inside and see if there are any resistances to do this chore. If I have worked through the steps correctly, the pattern to cause stress over this is gone. An easy, relaxed, cooperative feeling shows up and off I go without pain.
So the next time you hurry through something in order to relax, stop and choose to BE relaxed as you work. It’s such a nicer way to live and you are on your way to living as the empowered CEO of your life.
Tell me how this works for you. Leave a comment!
All is well. Avanti! Keep moving forward!
Cynthia Christianson
352-374-7982
Ride the Wave!
picture by Faisal www.flickr.com
Hello Everyone!
There is a couple I know who I really like being with. Their deep commitment to each other’s well- being is very clear as they interact with each other. I feel calm, safe and relaxed with them. I like to ride that wave with them.
I have a friend that brings out my quirky sense of humor. We just laugh and carry on together. I really enjoy riding this wave when I am with her.
I volunteer with the Guardian Ad Litem program and when I feel such compassion for these wounded children, it opens my heart. I like that wave too. It’s powerful and keeps me grateful.
I love watching a well written and performed play or movie. These waves take me far away into my imagination and it’s so nice to forget the outside world for a short time.
Tuning into the different energy shifts are to me a constant reminder to stay present in Presence. I like to practice this when I am with other people or in a situation such as a movie and see what shows up. If I can, I’ll show up with no agenda. It’s nice to just be with who I am or where I am and ride the wave. It’s a little scary sometimes but mostly, it’s a lot of fun. I never know what to expect and usually I leave feeling I have spent my time wisely, moving forward with renewed energy.
When I leave a situation feeling tired or negative, then I know I did not stay present in my heart without judgment. The tension, anger or sadness that doesn’t feel good, means I’ve allowed my thoughts to wander into a protective mode to control the situation. It’s an illusion to keep me safe but in the long run, I usually have to spent more energy clearing the negative energies I allowed to surface. Which isn’t a bad thing really because when turmoil shows up, then it’s a chance to clear another baggage that is blocking the fullness of Presence.
Personal growth happens when we ride the waves that either demonstrate to us we are waking up nicely or then again, throw us into desperation. I know that hurts but if you can step out of the hurt and see it from its point of view, you’ll have the compassion and love to heal this orphaned side of you crying to return to your heart.
“We think when our hearts start to melt there’s something wrong. When the heart starts to ache we start to become so sensitive to the smallest hatred,whether at us or someone hating themselves. We think that’s all wrong, that we’re supposed to transcend all that and just smile. The only true transcendence, truly embodied transcendence, happen by meeting everything and kissing it right on the face. Anything else is an escape.”
Jeannie Zandi Quote (jeanniezandi.com)
Start to pay attention to your body sensations and see how certain people or situations trigger in you different patterns of energy. I challenge you to start practicing arriving at your destinations in a gentle, sweet space of Presence and just be with what happens. Flow with the wave and feel it-what do you notice? Are you judging, evaluating, stepping over what doesn’t feel good ? Are allowing someone who bothers you to shift into feeling tense, resisting the wave? Once you start practicing to notice these waves, either ones that are enjoyable or desperate, strong or subtle, you start to take back control of your life. You ride the wave but you choose how you want to be effected by it.
No question here, then is there? Wouldn’t you want to ride waves of joy, laughter, compassion and inner harmony? It’s not always the case but when you allow your self to be present in Presence, at least you feel authentic and confident for any wave that you get on.
What waves do you ride at work, with friends, when you play? What waves do you wish you could ride more ofter OR less often? I would love to hear your comments.
Contact me if you are ready to wake up and feel who you really are. Thanks for reading my blog newsletter.
All is well!
Cynthia
Cynthia Christianson
352-374-7982
Money Is My Heart
Money Is My Heart
This message came to me after my morning focusing (body-sensation) contemplation and it’s just getting better and more clear in its power since that moment a few days ago. I have been musing over the concept of what money means to me and how I felt about it for a long time. Finally though, I really “get” how money manifests and although the concept is simple, the manifestation takes a lot of personal work.
There is available so much on this subject from the self-help community. It’s wonderful how so many teachers are trying to share the art of attracting abundance and help lift others to receive it. I too have spent much time studying and applying the principles of affirmations, visualizations and other techniques. Perhaps these teachings have led me to this “a-ha” moment even though I never had much success with these strategies.
Money is my heart means to me that the more I love myself, the more money flows. That’s a good simplistic interpretation of these words. But it’s oh so, so, so, much more! This kind of love is so primal – it’s the fabric we are made of , the source that creates and sustains us. There are many labels or names that have been used to make sense of this force. The term that resonates with me is Presence. The power of Presence is an unconditional, nonjudgmental part of ourselves that is the essence of who we really are.
This beautiful, loving being is way past any thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and book learning ideas. It just is. You don’t have to do anything to yourself to be it. You don’t have to fix, change, discipline your thoughts, repeat an affirmation, tap a point, lose weight, go to a conference…it’s not about searching outside of your heart. Just go slowly and drop down into a quiet spot inside and start to feel how special you are.
Spend time pulling up feelings of acceptance, feeling valued, cared for and just be with these feelings of love. Use past memories that felt good or focus on a pet or person that you’ve had loving moments together. Allow this feeling to just keep growing stronger until you feel it all over your body. Allow tears, sadness, anger and doubt to float in giving all these exiled parts of you this unconditional love. It takes practice but there is no hurry here. If you can only sit for 5 minutes and it becomes too intense, then stop. Presence is always present and it loves you whether you are being with it consciously or not.
As you start to shift into this safe space and you discover there are feelings of resistance, then your job is to get this baggage cleared out. Presence can only flow in where there is no resistance. Money is the same way. It flows in direct proportion of this same energy because everything is made from the same source of Presence.
Let’s create a visual example: See yourself like a container that is mostly filled with dirt (desires, thoughts, wishes, wants, needs). Let’s say it’s 80% dirt. That’s pretty typical of an adult who has spent years in school learning to shut down the heart and learn to identify oneself with a performance mode of success such as grades, sports, mates, houses, cars, jobs, etc. The other 20% is water (Presence).
Now your goal is that you want this dirt to mix with this water and become soft enough to sprout new growth. But the dirt is so compacted, so old and dry that the water can only soften the dirt slowly, a little bit at a time. That’s like our desire for abundance. We know it’s there and we hope, wish, pray and wait that it will enter our lives. Or the water may just sit on top of this dirt and go nowhere, waiting for a crack in the foundation. That’s like when we are so clogged up with past beliefs, pain, resentment, love just sits there quietly waiting to be invited back in.
To me, self-hate means anything that doesn’t feel good because Truth always feels loving, nourishing, nurturing and safe. So if you are hanging on to some anger from a past relationship or family member, that’s allowing Presence to flow only in what space is left. But then you also have fear too. Fear is a big real estate owner in our hearts. Keep going-what else are you hanging on to that doesn’t feel good? Do you wonder why you can’t manifest abundance? There’s no room!
I think you understand what I am saying here. I spent years working on the outside with abundance goals, strategies, processes, and techniques but I was so clogged up with my own pain, nothing could manifest until I spent time healing this pain. I had to learn to love myself, not just through my ego or looking at my body parts. I have had to establish a connection to my true heart where only the pure, positive, holy Presence is. I also now see that without doing the body sensation work and acknowledging that any pain is my self-hate, I would still be struggling to manifest abundance.
Money is my heart…money is my heart…money is my heart… say it to yourself and see if it resonates or triggers a little something inside you. If you get this down to your core, then you don’t have anything to worry about. This is the “all is well” place where manifestation happens. Reside in this loving heart of yours, and watch your life reflect it back in ways you can’t even imagine.
As always, I am here to help you love yourself. Call me at 352-374-7982 or email me :Cynthia@avanticoaching.com for a session.
All is well. It really is!
Cynthia Christianson
Self-Improvement Coach
Are You Defending or Explaining Yourself?
Hello Everyone!
Well, if you followed from my email newsletter to this site, you can see that the title I originally set up is not the one I ended up with. I sent the newsletter before I remembered I had a week ago made a title to inspire me. Funny how that works out-it didn’t! So sorry for the confusion.
So, if you start defending yourself about something you said or start explaining your actions, then you are betraying your heart. What I find is that the worst part about defending myself is Read More…
Just What is Authenticity, Anyway?
“For many modern selves, the shock of self-recognition marks the beginning of a lifelong search for the one true self and for a feeling of behaving in accordance with that self that can be called authenticity.” by Karen Wright, Psychology Today magazine.
We may not be aware of it but the hunger for authenticity plays a part in every age and every aspect of our lives. It drives our choices in relationships, jobs, playtime and religious explorations. It’s also the foundation of our well-being, personal development, self-esteem and coping skills.
Referencing the Psychology Today article, Ms. Wright writes,” Teens and twentysomethings try out friends, fashions, hobbies, jobs, lovers, locations, and living arrangements to see what fits and what’s “just not me.” Midlifers deepen commitments to career, community, faith and family that match their self-images, or feel trapped in existences that seem not their own. Elders regard life choices with regret or satisfaction based largely on whether they were “true” to themselves.
So just what is authenticity, anyway? My sense is that it is linked to trusting and loving the self without any fear of criticism or rejection. If you can stand tall in your values, honor your boundaries, communicate your needs, believe in yourself no matter what happens, and have the coping skills to keep going after a crisis, you are authentic and living in integrity.
I don’t think that really is the hard part though. The hardest part is being authentic when you don’t feel loved. The drive for acceptance, connection and relatedness causes us to side step our values and needs, even just for a little bit, in order to feel loved, important or acknowledged. Contemporary culture encourages us to constantly change ourselves to look like a model, live like a celebrity or have a career that brings fame, attention. I see it all the time in ads on TV, radio and magazines. There is a pill, a surgery, a store, a style, a haircut, an exercise program, a vacation, a game show, the lottery, an investment company, a twitter contest that will solve any problem.
This hunger to be heard authentically has driven me in the past to behave in inauthentic ways. I painfully remember acting out viewpoints that were more what I thought I should be doing rather than choosing to act from what really felt right. This “invented self” was all part of the game of growing up. I hear this from many clients too. So, after failed relationships, weight gain, health issues, changing jobs, it was time to wake up, discover and honor the real me. As Ms. Wright continues, “Sometimes the authentic self isn’t pretty. It’s just real. Sissies need not apply.”
So, how willing are you to accept your personal faults and failures? Can you sit and be with these uncomfortable feelings? The only way I successfullymanaged to embrace this hidden self was to drop all judgments, critical thinking and comparisons to others. Then viewing these painful experiences as just part of my journey softened the fear to remember and I could make peace with what had happened. Gratitude, forgiveness, releasing and allowing the past to be without resistance is a lot easier to achieve once the authentic self emerges too.
According to Ms. Wright’s article, Michael Kernis, a social psychologist at the University of Georgia studies showed that people with a sense of authenticity are highly realistic about their performance in everything from a game of touch football to managing the family business. They’re not defensive or blaming of others when they meet with less success that they wanted.
Here are 8 acts of authenticity offered by experts who are known for their research and writings in how to lead the authentic life (excerpted from Karen Wright’s article):
1. READ NOVELS. “It’s the best way to figure out what it feels like to be in someone else’s head-and that’s what helps us to distinguish our own identity.” John Portman, professor of religious ethics, University of Virginia.
2. MEDITATE. Meditative absorption creates moments of happiness not contingent on outcomes or external factors or manipulation of the environment. From that platform you can investigate how to create real fulfillment.” Stephen Cope, scholar-in-residence, Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health.
3. BE DELIBERATE. “Authenticity consists in being aware that you have choices and consiously choosing what you do.” Roy Baumeister, social psychologist, University of Florida (yeah, go gators).
4. BUT NOT TOO DELIBERATE. People often make better decisions when they don’t think about them. Go with your gut. Authentic reactions are much more at the gut level.” Mark Leary, social psychologist, Duke University.
5. CULTIVATE SOLITUDE. “Quiet and time for the self are a big plus. If you’re worried about inauthenticity, there’s nothing like shutting the door.” Peter Kramer, clinical psychologist, Brown University.
6. BUT STAY CONNECTED. “Community is an outlook toward life in which you define yourself in relations to the world around you, rather than only in connection with yourself. I recommend enlarging the sense of self.” Thomas Moore, psychotherapist and author, A Life at Work.
7. PLAY HARD. “Whether it’s taking an art class, playing basketball, running or just hanging out with friends, doing something you really enjoy allows you to express who you really are.” Michael Kernis, social psychologist, Univesity of Georgia.
8. AND BE WILLING TO LOSE. “Feelings of inauthenticity are heightened by a lack of a philosophy that allows failure to be a part of life. If you’re leading a full life, you’re going to fail some every day.” Thomas Moore.
These 8 acts don’t seem so hard, do they? What’s your take on what really is authenticity? Send in your comments and share with me a past “invented self” experience (oh those college parties…) and how today you are living a more authentic life.
What I have found is that the more I am willing to just be ok with what I am feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it is, the faster it goes away. Then, I can shift back into my true self that feels safe, content and ready for new possibilities.
Please pass this on to others. Remember, too, if you are ready to release your invented self, contact me for a coaching session.
Hope to hear from you and your authentic self!
KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
Cynthia Christianson, Self-Improvement Coach
www.avanticoaching.com